When You Know You Want it but You Just Keep Stopping Yourself

Yes, of course you want the thriving business. The beautiful relationship, the $10K clients, the 3-month holiday every year, or whatever dream you hold dear.

And yet, for some reason you just keep stopping yourself from making it happen.

The mountain top just doesn’t seem to get any closer.

There’s progress for sure, but at this rate you’ll never have the Ferrari/yacht/mansion.

But you want those things – so what’s going on?

Very likely, it’s your subconscious trying to protect you.

Because getting the dreamed outcome looks nice emotionally, but for your subconscious it looks like a big pile of unknowns, and each of them could turn into a problem.

Are you able to serve million-dollar clients?

Where will you park the Ferrari?

What will your family say when you take off three months each year?

If you make a ton of money, how are you going to handle all the people who ask for a handout?

If you get the wonderful stable relationship, will you still be able to go out drinking with your friends?

That thriving business, what if it breaks, if a competitor shows up and ‘eats your tortilla’ as they say in Spain?

Your subconscious sees your desire, sees that it’s possible, and then sees all the potential problems.

And it’s a faithful servant, with two directives: move you towards pleasure, and keep you away from suffering.

And all those unknowns, they can cause all kinds of suffering.

So your subconscious does what it needs to: keep you safe. Make sure you don’t get that massive outcome, and thereby avoid the problems.

Whew, close call.

Except here you are, with that dream and no actual progress towards it.

Catch 22?

Not really. Not if you close the gap.

See, there’s a big divide between the ‘here&now’ and the big satisfying outcome you want.

That divide is the unknown you’re being protected from, and the trick is to remove the ‘threat’.

You know, as in: don’t scare the natives.

If you want a 3-month holiday each year, start with a 1-week holiday every second month.

If you want a $10K client, start looking for a 1K client first.

It’s good to have a big goal to aim for, but you want to set it and forget it, so that you can then focus on the attainable, shorter term, non-threatening milestone goals.

They don’t look as scary to the subconscious, and as you pass each milestone, it will grow to trust that you’ve got this, and that the unknowns don’t pose a risk.

Plus, it’s fun to have attainable goals and keep reaching them.

Cheers,

Martin


Also published on Medium.

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