Last week’s missive about ‘I have to’ vs ‘I get to’ seemed to strike a chord with my readers, so I figured I’ll share another tip about self talk.
It’s something I learned in the monastery – and I’m still learning it, everyday.
It’s called ‘Don’t feed the demons’.
See, I’ve been battling demons all my life.
Just like all of us, I tell myself all kinds of things that aren’t true, or aren’t helpful, or are outright self-sabotage.
Things like: ‘I don’t know how’, and ‘But I can’t’ or ‘I need to xyz first’.
‘You’re stupid for doing that, Martin’, or ‘You idiot, why didn’t you see that coming!’.
I imagine that everybody will have some form of negative self-talk, and you might too.
It’s just part of the human condition.
But what you do with it, that’s going to make or break your success, and your fulfillment, and your happiness.
See, most people will fight against the negativity:
You know it’s better not to talk to yourself that way, but you just did, so you feel anger or guilt or resentment about it, and then you feel worse because you feel bad about it, and next you beat yourself up for feeling guilty for beating yourself up…
And so on, in a descending spiral.
And that’s why you shouldn’t feed the demon.
As in: don’t fight the negativity.
Any energy you spend trying to work against it, is food that makes it stronger.
But, it’s there. You can’t ignore it either.
If you do, you open up a whole new can of problems.
Negating or ignoring parts of your psychology simply isn’t healthy.
So what then?
What do you do when that little devil sits on your shoulder and whispers negativity in your ear?
You acknowledge that it’s there, and you move on.
You tell it:
“Thanks for sharing” and you move on.
This might seems pointless, but it’s not.
It’s a very powerful psychological hack.
When you say “thanks for sharing”, what happens is that the part of your subconscious saying it, gets acknowledged instead of pushed away.
And that means you take away its power.
When that part of your doesn’t experience pushback, it’s not triggered to become stronger.
Whereas if you fight it, it just becomes stronger and your day becomes that much darker.
But if you tell it ‘thanks for sharing’, it suddenly loses its strength, and you get to move on with your day.
Any time negative self-talk comes up:
“Thanks for sharing”, and move on, focus your attention elsewhere.
There you go, another lesson from the monastery, courtesy of the monk for entrepreneurs.
If you want lessons like these, and tips and tricks, and personal guidance, maybe coaching is what you need.
Here’s where you find more information and a link where you can apply: http://martinstellar.com/business-coaching/
Also published on Medium.