Thoughts on Reality, Sales and Excuses

The psychologist Paul Watzlawick wrote a book called ‘Is reality real?’

The answer, I can tell you from experience, is this:

Reality is not real, and at the same time it is.

Complex stuff, I know.

Even after 2 decades of meditation, I still don’t know what I just said.

However, it’s an interesting book and there’s lots of insights about psychology and communication in there.

Just what yer little Stellar needs.

One thing I found interesting is the cultural differences in behaviour and communication.

He explains that when Westerners meet as strangers, the correct distance to respect personal space is about an arm’s length.

In Hispanic cultures though, it’s common to stand a step closer when talking to a stranger.

So the Westerner moves a step back, correcting the error in the social situation, upon which a Latino will react by taking one step closer.

Familiar situation, probably?

I find it fascinating: The corrective behaviour of one person (stepping back and creating more space) is perceived by the other as behaviour that requires correction, and the first person feels exactly the same.

Such fun to be human.

Here’s why that matters in business:

Everybody is a world unto himself.

Take that literally.

Just be aware for a moment of the huge, enormous, absolutely VAST content of you&your life.

Your experiences and history, your memories, dreams, fears, knowledge, your perception and relationships and thinking – it’s a lot, isn’t it?


Same story over there, across the table from you. A whole ‘nother world.

It’s easy to assume we’re all similar, that we share opinions and worldviews and deeply held beliefs.

But we don’t, not nearly as much as you think.

There’s overlap with other people, but come on: do you honestly think anyone out there REALLY gets who you are, what you’re about?

They couldn’t, right? There’s just too much.


And the same thing obviously applies to the other person: you can’t know him or her, you can’t possibly really and truly ‘get’ that person.

20 Years of marriage helps, but even then: Ever looked at your husband or wife, and thought: “Wtf, it’s like I don’t even know this person”?


In business, and especially when we’re talking about marketing and sales, you need to be extremely aware of this.

If you can be fully conscious of the fact that basically you know nothing about that other person, less than a smidgen of who they really are, something special happens:

You start to really LISTEN.

Implanting right into your conscious mind the notion that the other person is a world of his own means that you’ll be perceptive like you’ve never been before.

You’ll start observing reactions, subtle behaviours, and they will tell you not who that person is, but what they want, need, and fear.

And when you know that, you can sell them your solution.

Just like the two strangers meeting, one guy approaching and the other retreating:

If you live in your own little bubble, one guy is being invasive and the other is being, dunno, homophobic?

But if at least one of them recognises what’s going on, that it’s just culture and habit, they can stop the cycle, and presto: communication can happen, and one guy can ‘sell’ his thoughts or ideas to the other guy.

Listen to people, observe, give them space – try to really see that person as a separate world.

You’ll be surprised.

Back to the order of the day:

30 minutes ago I didn’t know what I was going to write today.

I opened Paul’s book, read one page, and hoopla: suddenly I had a topic.

Now it’s half an hour later, and I’m almost ready to send.

Is it because I is great?

Not at all:

It’s just a matter of practice – it wasn’t like this when I started.

You too can pick up ideas anywhere, and write en email in 30 minutes flat.

You too can write emails that are fun, helpful, good to think about – and, sales-getting.

How do I know?

Statistics, baby.

You’re reading this, so you can read, which means it’s highly likely you can also write.

You can follow my thinking so your intelligence will be good enough to string two sentences together.

You put up with my jokes and weirdness, so you probably have a sense of humour.

You’re still a subscriber even though I never stop going on about helping and serving and solving problems, so what you’d write would likely be helpful to people.

Therefore, you can also be an effective email marketer to better your business. Q, and E, and also D.

Except, one of two reasons: you don’t have the time, or you don’t know how.

If you don’t have the time, maybe you’re making excuses.

Everybody can free up 20 minutes a day to practice a method that will earn you more money and free time.

Everybody, except maybe Apple’s factory workers in China. But they’re not reading me anyway.

If you don’t know how, there’s also no excuse:

Get LEAP #4, and you’ll know how to do it.

Where? There –>



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Martin helped our co-working space get to full occupancy and $25.000 monthly revenue in less than a year.

~ Antonio Herrezuelo,
Avenida Capital

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