They say ‘marketing is everything, and everything is marketing’ – which is true in a sense, but it’s an impoverished abstraction of human psychology.

On a much deeper level, *everything you do is a signal*.

Proper listening signals: you and your story matter to me.

The husband hiding behind his newspaper (or being glued to his phone screen) signals: you’re not a priority.

Sending daily emails (hello! have you started yours yet?) signals: I’m not just in it for the money, I intend to serve as well.

Lashing out at someone signals: my upset state is more important than harmony,  collaboration and understanding.

Everything that you do in your life sends some sort of signal to others.

The problem is that in 99% of the cases, we’re unaware of what signal we’re sending.

We go about our business, act as best as can, but we don’t stop to think what message, or signal, we’re broadcasting.

And then it gets worse, when we don’t stop to notice how our signal is being perceived.

This is the cause for a huge number of problems in relationships (business or personal) and in society as well.

But it’s so easy to see!

People literally tell us how our signals are being perceived – whether by how they respond, or body language, or action or inaction – your world gives you direct feedback on how well your signals are working for you.

The trick to getting better results with people, is to step out of your silo, and to open up to the signals that are being returned to you.

Those tell you what you actually said.

Because what you think you said, or intended to say, is nowhere near as important as the message that got heard.

Your good intentions only matter inasmuch as the other perceives them.

It’s never the other’s job to figure out what it is you meant.

Instead, it’s your job to figure out the best way to get your message and your signal get perceived the way you intended.

You live in a perfectly tuned feedback system called ‘the world’, that tells you your efficacy in signaling, 24/7.

Make sure you pay attention to what it tells you, and you’ll see very interesting and positive changes in your relationships.

What signals are you (not what you think you are) sending?



Also published on Medium.

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