Never Serve Noir a Cold Beer

The waiter walked by unawares, when Noir’s hand suddenly snapped out at him, locking his bicep in Noir’s vice-like fist.

“Why” Noir said grimly, “is this beer not cold?”

The boy began “It’s probably because…”

Noir cut him short: “That’s a rhetorical question. Google it.

And bring me a cold one.

Thanks, kid.”


There are two kinds of customers: The first is like Martin Noir, the other one is like me.

And though Noir isn’t necessarily a fun kind of client to displease, you’d rather have him than me.

Point in case: I like Mexican food. A few months ago, a Mexican eatery opened up in a nearby city.

The first time I went there I had chili con carne. It was alright, though I make better chili at home. It was a bit bland and had no character. But it was edible enough, so a few weeks later I went in again.

The second time, I ordered a quesadilla with chicken. And I shouldn’t have.

It was a thick cake of melted processed cheese, tasteless, bland and rubbery. And it was opulently graced by a full three shreds of chicken meat.

In other words: Ridiculous. Inedible, too

Had it been Noir, they would have heard about it, in no uncertain terms.

But it was me, not Noir.

I paid the bill, kept my mouth shut, and went home. And I’ll never go back there because they obviously don’t know how to cook.
Never Ignore a Complaint – IF You Get One…
Customers that complain are important. They are the ones you had better listen to.

A customer complaint is something to fix – not a nuisance. You shouldn’t try to make him shut up or go away.

You should tell him: “Let me fix that for you.” And then you should make sure you fix the problem for good, make sure that it won’t happen again.

Difficult customers are gold to smart businesses. They help you improve

The quiet ones, the type that wipe the lipstick off a dirty glass?

You know the kind: They won’t mention the steak was cold. They won’t complain if there’s 50 cents too much on the bill.

They won’t even blink if one of your staff is rude to them.

They’ll just never come back. And to make it worse, they’ll tell their friends (not you), why they won’t go back.

Obviously, the best way to avoid unhappy customers is to cater to those who are a good fit for your offer.

And you do that by communicating exactly who will and won’t benefit from your offer.

Not only that: your communication should actively dissuade the ‘wrong’ kind of buyer from doing business with you.

Sounds tricky? That’s why I’m here. You get me to write your copy and create your messaging, and you’ll get customers who not just love your work, but who will tell their friends and colleagues about it as well.

Ambassador customers is what we’re after. Switch me on here:

Talk soon,


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