The best sessions I have with my coach are those where something shifts – something big and meaningful happens.
It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, I feel this liberating space in my chest… an openness, and a great sense of relief.
You know how after a good cry, you end up feeling refreshed?
Like a spring thunderstorm, and right when it’s over, the earth just smells so fresh.
That kind of feeling is the best, and it’s interesting that tears or deep emotional experiences aren’t even required to reach it.
I told him about the state of space and elation, and he said something mighty interesting:
“It’s because of the way you show up at these sessions.
“You’re never afraid to look at the real reasons for stuff”.
I told him: “True. Because I know by now that what seems to be the reason for a problem or a blockage or whatever is rarely, if ever, the real reason”.
“Correct”, he tells me.
“And that’s why you have these breakthroughs, Martin. Because you’re willing to look fearlessly at the real reasons”.
And yes, it’s true.
Because after decades of meditation, introspection, soul searching and what have you, I’ve learned a few things about myself.
For instance, I’m really good at feeling sorry for myself.
Self-pity and I have a long long history, going back all the way to kindergarten, when I started getting bullied.
These days, I can’t always avoid feeling sorry for myself, but I nearly always recognise it, and when I do I kick that sucker to the curb.
Because let me tell you: self-pity is massively destructive, on so many levels.
Another thing I’ve come to recognise?
Man, I’m good at that. Really very good.
If there’d be a contest for making excuses, I’d take home the gold medal every time.
But, over the years I’ve learned that it does me no good at all, so I’ve become watchful.
That doesn’t mean I no longer make excuses – but it sure helps to be on the lookout, because the moment I recognise I’m doing it is also the moment I can call myself out on my own BS.
And yes, that helps me to show up fearlessly to sessions with my coach.
Bring it on, show me where I hold myself back – and then let me decide to be done with that.
That attitude, to fearlessly learn ourselves and get rid of the nonsense we tell ourselves, that’s what make growth and success possible.
We all tell ourselves stories – about why we are who we are, about why we’re stuck, about why we need abc in place before we can launch xyz.
Telling ourselves stories is unavoidable, it’s what humans do.
And it doesn’t have to be a problem.
But it is, most definitely, a problem when we believe the stories we tell ourselves.
Believe you’re an introvert, and that’s what you’ll be.
Change the story to ‘I’m a recovering introvert’, and your life will transform bit by bit.
It’s up to you to change the story and tell yourself a new one.
Boldly or bit by bit, that’s up to you.
But the more fearlessly you oust your own BS stories (and I swear we all have them, nobody is immune), the bigger the changes you’ll see happening in your life.
So are you ready to be challenged, to look at your stories through a magnifying glass, and to consider different stories?
Then a coaching session might be just the ticket.
You know where to find me…
Also published on Medium.