“But I Don’t Need Therapy”

Every time a client or potential client tells me that, I’m happy.

Not because I’m not a therapist, but because fundamentally, I don’t agree with the problem-thinking that’s at the basis of most therapy models.

You know the model: it the one that says that you’re broken, traumatised, damaged, and that you need fixing.

As if the only way to get happier in life (or whatever you want/need) is to take you into a sort of garage workshop for people. Fix ‘er up and change the tires while you’re at it.

Thing is, you’re not broken. Couldn’t be if you tried.

Provided that you understand what ‘you’ actually means.

You is a shell, a mask, or what psychologists call the ego. It’s a learned set of perceptions and interpretations.

You’re born without it, and you build it around you over time.

And when I say ‘mask’, that refers to the origin of the word ‘person’, which is ‘persona’. Mask.

That’s the you that you live with, your tool for interacting with the world.

And it changes, and grows, and learns and fails and yes, sometimes it can receive a nasty blow and be left with scars.

But it’s not the same as the ‘I’ that you are. That would be the ‘Id’, the thing that you were born with. Or born as, more precisely.

And guess what?

That part of you is unchangeable, unhurtable, and constant.

So when someone tells me they don’t need therapy, I’m happy. It’s a sign that the person is wise to the fact that you grow faster if you identify with the ‘I’ behind your person, rather than the personality that moves through the world.

And, it’s a great starting point, where you get to improve on what’s there, rather than try to fix something that’s broken.

You, your persona: you’re fine. Perfect as you are, whatever scars or scuffmarks you may have.

You are RIFE with potential and built for growth.

And given that: what would you like to create, change, develop?

From problem-thinking to potential-thinking…

Seems a pretty obvious choice, right?

And all it takes is a choice: identify with who you are, vs identify with what you are, fundamentally…

Cheers,

Martin


Also published on Medium.

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