Last week I told you how easy it is to spend ‘other people’s currency’, and today the story is about you spending your currency… but the other person doesn’t seem to want it?
This – incompatible currencies – is the cause of many, MANY misunderstandings and disagreements… and yes, lost sales.
Here’s an example:
A husband comes home to find his wife distressed and upset. Oops… something’s happened.
He sits down, listens to her troubles, and starts thinking of ways to help, to improve the situation, to fix things for her.
Useful, no? Girl’s got a problem, let’s help and fix it!
Except his wife grows increasingly upset. Frustrated, even. Until the whole conversation disintegrates: he feels frustrated because she doesn’t seem to want his help, and she’s upset because ‘he just never listens’ to her.
In such a situation, the ‘currency’ she’s hoping for, is someone who listens, who gives her space to vent, clear her head, get some clarity. She’s not looking for a solution, but someone to just be present.
He on the other hand, is trying to ‘pay’ currency, in the form of quality problem-solving, but that’s not what she wants – and so we end up with incompatible currencies.
The problem arises when we interpret the other person’s situation, conclude that we know what they want, and proceed to try and give it to them.
A client might say: “I want a website with custom branding and e-commerce built in”, and on the surface that seems straightforward enough.
But below the surface, they might want different things, like:
“A site that works, for a change, and that’s easy to manage and update”.
Or: “A site that enables me to earn more from the traffic I’m getting”.
Or: “An online presence that I’m proud of”.
You can’t know what’s behind the obvious, and even when you ask, you’ll only learn what they tell you, which may or may not be the complete picture.
So if you then go answer, and fulfill, the surface-level wishes, you likely speak to something that isn’t the real, true, deeper, desire… and you might lose the client.
Whenever you try to help someone, serve someone, or try and do something in order to solve a problem for someone… but they’re not having none of it?
Ask yourself: Are you trying to ‘pay’ in a ‘currency’ they don’t want?