Martin Stellar - Coach & Consultant for ethical sales and business growth

Martin Stellar - Coach & Consultant for ethical sales and business growth

Incompatible Currencies

Last week I told you how easy it is to spend ‘other people’s currency’, and today the story is about you spending your currency… but the other person doesn’t seem to want it?

This – incompatible currencies – is the cause of many, MANY misunderstandings and disagreements… and yes, lost sales.

Here’s an example:

A husband comes home to find his wife distressed and upset. Oops… something’s happened.

He sits down, listens to her troubles, and starts thinking of ways to help, to improve the situation, to fix things for her.

Useful, no? Girl’s got a problem, let’s help and fix it!

Except his wife grows increasingly upset. Frustrated, even. Until the whole conversation disintegrates: he feels frustrated because she doesn’t seem to want his help, and she’s upset because ‘he just never listens’ to her.

In such a situation, the ‘currency’ she’s hoping for, is someone who listens, who gives her space to vent, clear her head, get some clarity. She’s not looking for a solution, but someone to just be present.

He on the other hand, is trying to ‘pay’ currency, in the form of quality problem-solving, but that’s not what she wants – and so we end up with incompatible currencies.

The problem arises when we interpret the other person’s situation, conclude that we know what they want, and proceed to try and give it to them.

A client might say: “I want a website with custom branding and e-commerce built in”, and on the surface that seems straightforward enough.

But below the surface, they might want different things, like:

“A site that works, for a change, and that’s easy to manage and update”.

Or: “A site that enables me to earn more from the traffic I’m getting”.

Or: “An online presence that I’m proud of”.

You can’t know what’s behind the obvious, and even when you ask, you’ll only learn what they tell you, which may or may not be the complete picture.

So if you then go answer, and fulfill, the surface-level wishes, you likely speak to something that isn’t the real, true, deeper, desire… and you might lose the client.

Whenever you try to help someone, serve someone, or try and do something in order to solve a problem for someone… but they’re not having none of it?

Ask yourself: Are you trying to ‘pay’ in a ‘currency’ they don’t want?

Cheers,

Martin

Do You Spend Other People’s ‘Currency’? Might Want to Check…

I can’t be sure, but there’s a good chance you too spend other people’s currency.

It’s a human, social thing – but it’s wise to avoid, and if you don’t it will have consequences.

Here’s two recent examples of ‘spending other people’s currency’, so you know what I mean.

Two of my friends were meant to come over for dinner a while ago.

But the day before, one was wavering on their decision, so the other friend texted me to ask whether they should both come, or only one, or nobody.

Fair play, things change. But this text reached me right in the middle of deep work, pulled me out of my concentration, and had me thinking about an issue that wasn’t mine to resolve – it was something they needed to figure out, so asking my help or opinion really made little sense. No big deal of course, but an example of how I suddenly found myself spending ‘currency’ (in this case: thinking-time) because of something sent to me – and it was something I couldn’t do anything to resolve.

The other example: in my mastermind group, one of the guys once asked if we could move our weekly session, so that he could watch a football match.

Again: no big deal (though in my world, football ain’t nowhere near important enough to, well, change any appointment. I just don’t like football. Also: I am the king of euphemisms – can you tell? But anyway).

When my buddy asked, that meant two other people (me and our 3rd mastermind member) had to think about accommodating the change. Spending mental currency.

And to accommodate the request, in my case would have meant changing two appointments, which would have further implications for the people whose appointments would get changed – and the same thing would apply to the world of our 3rd mastermind member).

In other words: a small action on our part can have a lot of domino-type ramifications for other people, and not only the first-line people get affected. It affects their people as well.

Even something as small as the difference between an email that states a bunch of things and then just ends, compared to the same email, but ending it with a clear type of Call to Action or next steps, will make a big difference on the currency that the recipient will need to spend.

Email 1 turns your ‘problem’ into somebody else’s problem, because they now have to decide on what action to take next. Email 2 is far better, because it already suggests a next action for the reader, and they don’t have to also take the action of thinking about the next step. So none of their currency gets wasted.

Now, you might that these things don’t matter all that much. That I’m making a fuss over trifles.

But nope. This stuff really matters.

Because you and I and everyone, we know the people who spend other people’s currency.

They are the ones who always seem to need something, always seem to need help or guidance, always bring things into your world that aren’t yours to deal with but now suddenly you find yourself thinking about it, people who blindly delegate whatever they’re not in the mood for dealing with, to whoever happens to be in the line of fire…

They are the people that always cause a sigh or a grunt when they show up. Because they never arrive without a complication, or problem, or some sort of cost. For you to pay.

It’s not that these people are bad, don’t get me wrong.

But MAN is it annoying to have people spend your currency!!

Therefore, don’t be that guy or gal.

Don’t spend other people’s currency, don’t make your problems their problems.

I invite you to spend this week looking at your communications and decisions, to see in what way you might unwittingly spread around bother in the world of others – the bits that are small and subtle is what we’re trying to uncover here.

You just might find that paying attention to this will very fast, almost magically, improve your relationships… even those who are already quite healthy.

Have a look, see what you discover… and let me know how you go.

Cheers,

Martin

Go For Exhaustion

There’s two kinds of tired: depletion and exhaustion.

Both are a consequence, and both require rest before you can give it another go.

But they are very different, and it pays to be aware, because depletion and exhaustion have different causes.

Depleted is how you end up when you’re running around putting out fires, going through mental loops, and doing the kind of busywork that doesn’t lead to results.

(Another big cause for depletion is having to make too many decisions, because decisions have a high cognitive cost).

Feeling, or being, depleted is no fun, not rewarding, and makes you want to hit snooze when you wake up in the morning.

Exhaustion however, that’s different. It’s what you feel after you climbed a mountain, completed a large customer project, or spoke to potential customers all day.

Exhaustion is the tired yet satisfied feeling you get after you’ve put in a long day of hard, focused, productive work.

Yeah you’re exhausted – but man, look at everything you got done… you’re *supposed* to feel tired, and it sure feels good.

The difference between depletion and exhaustion is big in many ways, and it’s a terrific way to measure how you’ve showed up to your work.

Exhaustion makes you wake up energised, and ready to rock and roll, whereas depletion has you wake up to another tiring day of ‘what actually am I supposed to be doing, what’s most useful’, which often leads to a day of procrastination and inconsequential activities.

When I end up feeling depleted, I know I’ve been working *in* my business, instead of *on* my business. Executing without much strategy or planning.

And when I notice that, I step back, stop doing things, take stock and map the playing field – and then I organise, prioritise, and plan… and only then do I go back to executing on my tasks.

Depletion is a warning sign that says ‘think’, so when you feel depleted, maybe it’s time for you to stop, and… think.

Don’t you think?

Cheers,

Martin

The ‘Good Egg-Problem’

Most people I come across in my work (clients, fellow coaches, podcasters, authors, students etc) are terrific people, with values such as integrity and truthfulness high up in their list of priorities.

Which is awesome, because it’s great to deal with people who share the same values as we do.

But the more people I meet, the more it seems that the higher on the scale of integrity someone is, the more conflicted their relationship with selling – and as a consequence, the lower their success rate in terms of signing on clients.

Do integrous people sabotage their own results?

I don’t have enough data to say yes or no, but it sure does look like it.

I call it the ‘good egg-problem’, where high integrity is (seems to be) correlated to low sales results.

But listen: if you live by values, then logically the work that you do is good, worth the money, and something that people ought to buy, right?

They buy, you serve, and that’s how you make your money. Right?

Then why not take the sting out of ‘selling’, and let your values guide you?

As in: if integrity matters to you, and you want to do right by people, then helping someone make a decision *is* doing right by people.

I mean, you’re not going to force anyone into buying anyway, because integrity says we don’t do things like that.

So you’re there to have a conversation about a choice the other person is considering.

You help them get clarity, identify desire, discuss doubts and objections, and figure out if your thing is right for them, at this moment.

And, since integrity is central to your life, you happily accept yes or no, depending on what’s right for that other person. The only outcome that you’re attached to, is the right decision for that individual.

This way, you turn ‘selling’ into an act of service… something that’s actually quite aligned to your values.

Does that take the sting out of selling for you?

Cheers,

Martin

Resources vs Being Resourceful

It’s tempting to gather resources: trainings, skills, education, adding powerful people to your network…

Videos, courses, workshops and retreats… there’s a ton of things you can learn, install into your mind, add to your practice, acquire as a skill or add as a resource.

But nothing beats being resourceful.

Except, if you fall for the trap that marketers lay for us.

It’s the trap that says ‘without this book/training/retreat/course’ your life isn’t complete and your business stagnates.

They prey on our built-in sense of scarcity, making us feel that we’re missing out (FOMO is a real thing), and so we buy more stuff, and our shelves fill up with more shelf-help.

But no matter how many resources you acquire, they won’t help if you don’t use them.

You can learn the science of Facebook ads, but if you never run a campaign, it don’t do you no good.

No, resources are not what you need.

Being resourceful, that’s where it’s at.

Being able to make do with what you have (which is all we do all day long anyway), to cobble together available resources, to test and iterate and improve.

Hoarding resources is satisfying on an emotional and intellectual level, but it’s not what we’re made for.

What we *are* made for, is getting the best result out of the situation we’re currently in. That’s how our species survived and evolved: Check the playing field, see which pieces are there to be moved, and get to experimenting on how best to move them.

Read books if you want – but never forget to apply the resources you already have – by being the most resourceful you that you can be.

You might feel down or beat at times, but never forget that you were designed to thrive, regardless of the situation you find yourself in.

And each moment of each day, you’re in a situation where you get to choose to be resourceful.

Cheers,

Martin

“Can’t They Guess?” Maybe They Can, but Is That Their Job?

Of course the other person has intelligence. And ears, and intuition.

They know how to compute and make sense of what you’re saying.

But, when you want to get results with people in any sort of way, you shouldn’t give people the job of trying to figure out what you mean.

It’s your job to make sure your meaning gets across, and gets registered on the other side just the way you meant it.

But very often, we don’t do that job.

We say vague things, or give ambiguous messages, or we use catch-all words, like ‘you know’ and ‘kinda’ and ‘wow’.

But what does ‘wow’ mean? It underlines an emotion – but which one? And because of which impression, experience, thought, or insight that you had did you get to feeling ‘wow’?

Pretty unfair to let someone else do the job of figuring that out, isn’t it?

Even worse, when you don’t speak clearly and unequivocally (meaning: there’s only one possible interpretation of your message) you give the other person a job to do, where they need to spend cognitive resources, and guess what:

The other person will be too lazy, disinterested, or occupied with their own thoughts, to do that job for you.

And there you go: misunderstanding, confusion, broken communication, and in the context of business: no sale.

Want to move your relationships, sales, and conversations forward?

Then let everything you say have only one possible interpretation. In other words: take on the job of communicating so well that you’re understood, instead of leaving the other person responsible for figuring out what you meant.

Cheers,

Martin

The Shift: Serving Customers Before They Buy

As a coach, I meet lots of people – and it’s amazing how many folks are hung up where it comes to selling their work.

Stressful, ‘no good at it’, awkward, ‘I just want to do my work without having to sell it’… these are some of the things people tell me.

It’s a sad state of affairs, especially since most people have a truly valuable offer, are good people, and genuinely want to serve their buyers.

But, until you land a client, you don’t get to serve that client, right?

Actually: wrong.

If you really want to serve a buyer, then your serving them starts before they buy.

If you deliver a rocking product or service, then your first order of business is serving your buyer in the process of making a decision.

That decision being: whether or not to buy your thing.

It’s a bit like coaching, in that sense: you’re not there to convince or persuade, but to hold a space where someone reaches their own clarity, uncovers their own motives for making a decision to buy, and where they enroll themselves into saying yes and sending you money.

This shift in attitude – from ‘I got something and I need to figure out how to get people to pay me’ into ‘Let’s help this person figure out if they actually want my thing’ makes all the difference.

It changes the dynamics, creates conversations that are zero % pushy and 100% enjoyable, and lands you buyers that really want your work (i.e. you drastically reduce buyer’s remorse).

And, if a prospect doesn’t buy, they’ll remember you as someone with integrity, and they’ll very likely welcome it when you follow up again in the future.

It’s a significant shift, with big consequences, and all it takes is for you to reframe what a sales conversation is about.

From selling… to serving… so that you get to serve your buyer even more, once they buy.

So how does that sit with you… are you ready to shift your framework, and move from selling to serving?

Cheers,

Martin

That’s Right!

It’s nice to be right about things.

Especially when selling, when you know you’re right: you know that once the other person buys, they’re doing what’s best for them.

You know your stuff, you understand their problem, and yeah, you’re right: buying your thing would be a good choice.

But being right is only as useful, as how right the other person thinks you are.

And very often, we’re satisfied when someone says ‘you’re right’.

But as Chris Voss – a former hostage negotiator – says, ‘you’re right’ is a blow-off. It says ‘I’m done with this conversation. Just stop talking and leave me to do my thing’.

When a buyer says ‘you’re right, it makes sense’, your reaction will determine whether you’ll land a client or not.

If you think it’s confirmation – a proper ‘yes, I’ll buy’ – you’ll miss the opportunity and they probably won’t buy.

Instead, go for ‘that’s right!’.

Because when someone buys, it’s because they trust – they know – that you truly *get* their situation.

That’s the highest level of rapport and resonance, when all someone can say is ‘that’s right!’.

That’s when you’ve completely absorbed, integrated, computed and summarised their situation.

In other words, at that moment you’ve moved into their world, got a perfect workable map, and you’re now showing it to them.

And they go: ‘Holy cow, this guy totally gets me’.

And that’s when they’ll be most likely to make a yes-decision and buy your work.

Don’t fall for ‘you’re right’ – always seek to understand the buyer so well, that they’ll say:

‘That’s right!’

Cheers,

Martin

How to Stop Worrying and Learn to Love ‘the Close’

When new subscribers join my list, I like to ask a question:

What’s your biggest obstacle when it comes finding buyers for your work?

The answers are often interesting.

Some people say it’s finding buyers in a down economy, others say it’s their own penchant for procrastination, and yet other say it’s identifying their ideal buyer in the first place.

And the other day someone said their biggest struggle was the close.

You know, the point where someone commits to giving you money for your work.

Personally, I don’t like the term. Sure you close a deal, but I much prefer to think of it as a starting point instead.

You open a buyer relationship with your client. Much nicer than ‘closing them’. No?

This isn’t just semantics, either.

Think about it: when someone wants to buy from you, they’re buying into your world.

They enroll in what you offer, and the premise that paying for it is worth it.

Someone who buys from you enrolls into your world.

And that makes all the difference, because all of a sudden it’s not longer about you wanting the other person to buy something.

It’s become a matter of them wanting to own what you have.

So instead of an outward ‘buy this’ push, ‘the close’ is about extending an invitation.

Which the other is, of course, free to accept or not.

A lot of salespeople know this, and use it to create successful and satisfying business relationships.

But there’s also a ton of marketeers and sellers who move beyond the social nature of selling, and who make it into a sort of ‘buy this or the puppy gets it’ transaction.

Which has given sales a bad reputation, but more dangerously: it has caused quite a few ethical providers of high quality goods and services to dislike ‘the close’.

And so, I often hear people say “I don’t like selling. I’m just not good at it”.

If by that you mean the notoriously unethical ‘ram it down their throats’ sales process, then good on you. Nobody should like that kind of selling.

But if you’re not like that, and you care about solving problems for your buyers…

I would suggest you switch your view on selling to having someone enroll in buying the solution you offer.

Because that way it becomes a lot more fun, and a lot easier too.

Want some personal, 1 on 1 help with that?

Then sign up for a no-cost strategy session, by answering a few questions here: https://martin283.typeform.com/to/v7Dsh8

Cheers,

Martin

What to do When ‘the Face Ain’t Listening’

So you’re talking to someone whom you’d like to buy in to your idea – buyer, spouse, team mate, etc – and you realise:

They’re not buying. No matter what I tell them, they don’t seem to be enrolling in my idea.

So you try a different approach, different logic, another kind of appeal to their senses…

But nope, no cigar – they still don’t seem to get the sense and usefulness of that thing you’re trying to have them see.

In other words: it’s like you’re ‘talking to the hand, and the face ain’t listening’.

When that happens, you need to realise that (very very likely) you’re trying to reason with someone who isn’t in a rational state.

Their emotional senses are looking for the stuff that feels good, and you’re here, trying to appeal to their intellect, intelligence and insight.

Obviously, that will go nowhere: the other person’s emotional world doesn’t understand stuff – no matter how compelling, logical, and sensible your argumentation may be.

You’ve probably had the experience, and if you don’t remember: if you’ve ever thought to yourself “But why don’t they *see* what I’m saying, that it makes sense?”, then you’ve been trying to reason with their emotions.

You can explain until the cows come home, but the mind won’t deal with information if the emotional world doesn’t feel it yet.

The other person’s emotional world is large, mostly subconscious, and it’s got power to overrule the mind, because the subconscious is tasked with keeping us safe, watching out for threats. It knows more than the mind does, it intuits – and it’s a paranoid gatekeeper.

Looks, feels, sounds, like a potential threat? Best be safe, and consider it a threat.

Live another day, in terms of evolutionary psychology.

Now obviously, it’s illogical that they’d feel some sort of unconscious threat – after all, you’re not trying to harm anyone, or force anything on them – but that lack of logic is exactly what the irrational nature of emotions is about.

So. If ever you find yourself reasoning with someone who’s just not getting it, seeing it, buying in to your idea and vision:

Stop.

Something in their subconscious triggered an emotional defense or disconnect, and hammering your point is only going to strengthen it.

Stop, and instead get that person to talk. Ask questions such as ‘what’s on your mind’ or ‘what does this situation look like to you’ or ‘are there any concerns you have about any of this’ or ‘if you were master of the universe, how would you solve or arrange this?’

The actual question you ask depends on the situation, but the important thing is that you get the other person to share their view, the vision that they’re working with.

With a bit of luck, you’ll uncover the reason why their emotions block understanding or adoption – which gives that person the validation that their concerns are valid, and that will help them trust you enough to at least try and see –
understand – the sense of what you’re trying to say.

In short: never try to reason with emotion, because it’s a ‘face’ that will never listen to reason.

Cheers,

Martin

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